Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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