Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
