my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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