I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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