so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
