Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
