I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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