Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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