id be glad to
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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