So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need water and some morals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
