someone owes me an orgasm
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
