'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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