so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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