I think my fart just growled at me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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