You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
