successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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