Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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