That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
