Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
