Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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