i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We need to rekindle our bromance
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
