her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
