yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
