If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
