New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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