She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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