Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
