So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
