You made me cry and you don't even care
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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