Soap is not a condiment
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
