if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
