I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
