i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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