HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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