I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
