You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
