Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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