did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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