Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
