the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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