good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
