I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my shit smells like andre
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
