The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
