is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
