i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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