Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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