I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
