I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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