there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
