I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
