How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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