you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why do cheetos always look like penises
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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